


The Official List of Unofficial Rules

by iSaphura



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Humor, Lists, Pop Culture, Why Did I Write This?, it takes a village to write a fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-05-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:07:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 4,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22382323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iSaphura/pseuds/iSaphura
Summary: When a new crew member joins the Enterprise, they are sent a set of rules they won't find anywhere else.**Originally posted on ff.net see inside for details**
Comments: 10
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I'm Saphura (now iSaphura), I am the original creator/author of The Official List of Unofficial Rules. If you were active on the Star Trek TOS ffn site between 2010-2014 and are thinking to yourself "hey, this story seems familiar", guess what: it is. If you want to skip ahead, head over there, it's under the same title. I fully intended to continue The List, but real life happened and sadly I never returned to it. SIX YEARS LATER I'm posting it here because why the heck not and who knows, maybe I'll put up the unpublished rules that remain. 
> 
> So, posting rules (haha more rules)  
> 1\. I will be posting the rules in the order they are found in the original fic, however, I will not be reposting any a/n's except those citing contributors because none of us want to listen to younger me ramble on. Grammar will be fixed and minor tweaks made.  
> 2\. I will not be posting this all at once. Maybe a few times a week, maybe once a week, but you're not getting all 83 chapters at once.  
> 3\. Some of these are... dated. Very dated, and do not or no longer represent my views on certain subjects, or how I feel about the characters now. This is meant to be funny, but I will admit some of the humor may be off.

"What's this?"

"Hey, I got one too!"

"Same."

A group of three new Ensigns were checking their messages and found they all had the same message. A Lieutenant walked by.

"What are you all looking at?" he asked.

"The Official List of Unofficial Rules of the USS Enterprise," an Ensign replied. "Seems we all got it."

"That's because you're new around here," the Lieutenant replied. "The crew sends that list out to all the newbies when they first arrive and update it every once in a while for the rest of us."

"So it's a ship-wide thing?" a second Ensign asked.

"Yep. These are the rules they don't tell you about." The Lieutenant smiled. "I'd suggest you follow them. Most of the rules are from personal experience."

"Let's see what other rules we need to learn," the third Ensign said as the Lieutenant walked away. The three opened the message and began to read...

* * *

** The Official List of Unofficial Rules of the _USS Enterprise_ **

1\. When you re-materialize, it is unnecessary for you to make sure you have all your body parts. We are pretty sure you would know if something was missing.

2\. Making sound effects when using the transporter are unnecessary, childish, and makes you sound stupid.

3\. Whenever Kirk, Spock, McCoy, (or any male crew member for that matter) re-materializes, do not start singing "It's Rainin' Men".

4\. Do not drink any of the Doctor's bourbon without permission.

5\. Do **not** take any of Scotty's liquor without permission. Especially his scotch.

6\. Do not mess with Kirk's coffee.

7\. Do **not** challenge Scotty or Chekov to a drinking game. And do **not** challenge them both at the same time. It will end badly.

8a. Do not call McCoy up-tight, snippy, grumpy, an old coot, gramps, hypo man, or anything other than Doc, Doctor, Dr. McCoy, McCoy, or Bones.

8b. Unless you're Captain Kirk, don't call Dr. McCoy 'Bones'.

9\. Kirk is not the most important person in the universe. His ego is big enough already, don't give him any new ideas.

10\. There is no "shotgun" seat on a Starship, so don't call it.

11\. Do not use Sulu's foils to make shish kabobs, and don't use the warp engines to cook said shish kabobs.

12\. Captain Kirk is not "The Man", so don't "stick it to him" (even if you want to).

13\. Making finger pistols when phasers or photon torpedoes are fired is inappropriate and childish. Especially on the Bridge.

14\. Do not give ratings on the resulting explosions of a destroyed ship. It is highly frowned upon.

15\. Spock is not an elf.

16\. Nor is he a computer, so don't ask him where his access port is.

17\. Do not make fun of Chekov's accent.

18\. Do not make fun of Scotty's accent.

19\. **Do not** call Mr. Scott 'English' or 'British'. He is Scottish, there is a difference.

20a. The transporter is not a toy. It is an important piece of equipment that should not be abused.

20b. If you break it, report the problem to Mr. Scott right away. Do not try and fix it yourself even if you are in Engineering.


	2. Chapter 2

21\. Do **not** , under any circumstances, insult the _Enterprise_ in Scott's presence. You will be sorry.

22\. Don't insult the _Enterprise_ in Captain Kirk's presence either, for that matter.

23\. Do not argue with Chekov when he says something was invented in Russia. You probably won't win, or make him change his opinion.

24\. Do not stand on the front of the Bridge, face the view screen, and yell "I'm king of the world!"

25\. The brig is not to be used as a "time-out zone"; no matter how much someone needs a time-out.

26a. The Jefferies tubes are not to be used for mega games of hide-and-seek

26b. Or manhunt.

26c. Or kick-the-can.

26d. Or paintball.

27\. Do not use the Jefferies Tube for make-out sessions either.

28\. Ensign Chekov is in his twenties, he is not a baby.

29\. Don't ruffle his hair.

30\. Do not use the communications station for prank calls. They know the calls come from the _Enterprise_.

31\. It is impossible to keep something secret for more than a week or two. Most likely, someone will find out in less time.

32\. Do not set personalized "ring-tones" for Admirals, other Starships, Klingons, Romulans, or anyone else who calls the _Enterprise_ often.

33\. Do not program the computer to play "Womanizer" whenever the Captain steps onto the Bridge. Or into his quarters. It was funny once, and we have a video, we don't need it happening again.

34\. Do not flirt with the nurses in front of Dr. McCoy.

35\. The same goes for the female engineers in front of Scotty.

36\. And the girls on the Bridge in front of Captain Kirk.

37\. Just don't flirt with people in front of your commanding officers.

38\. Don't flirt with aliens while on an away mission or shore leave. You don't know what will come of it: the best sex ever or interstellar war.

39\. Do not put super glue on Lt. Uhura's earpiece.

40\. No whoopee cushions. Especially on the Bridge and on the Captain's chair.

41\. The Prime Directive should be followed, but is apparently optional for the _Enterprise_.

42\. **THE PRIME DIRECTIVE IS NOT OPTIONAL. THERE ARE NO EXCEPTIONS TO THIS.**

43\. Apparently I was wrong about the Prime Directive and the _Enterprise_.


	3. Chapter 3

44\. Lt. Uhura is not a radio DJ and will not take song requests.

45\. The brig is not to be used as a "sobering zone". If you have a hangover, stay in your quarters or go see Dr. McCoy.

46\. Mr. Scott does not have a personal still. Such a still is not located on Deck 10 at the end of a service Jefferies tube. Don't go looking for it.

47\. Even if he did, he would not share the liquor with you. Nor would he sell it to you for fifteen credits a bottle.

48\. Dr. McCoy will not "kiss it better". He will kick you out of Sick Bay if you ask.

49\. If you don't know what it is or what it does, **DON'T TOUCH IT**!

50\. Chair jousting in the halls is not allowed.

51\. Do not make fun/take advantage of the fact that girls have to wear short skirts as part of their uniform.

52\. Do join the petition to make Starfleet change the female uniform.

53\. Engineering, Sick Bay, and the Bridge are not suitable places to hold raves.

54\. Do not call Mr. Scott's kilt a skirt, or his bagpipes an "awful noise machine".

55\. When Kirk returns from an away mission, don't ask him if he landed the girl.

56\. Don't send the Captain STD self-tests. He does not find it very funny (neither does McCoy).

57\. Do not try and play Spock's Vulcan Lyre, it won't end well for anybody's ears.

58\. Do not screw up diplomatic events. Starting an interstellar war does not look good on your résumé.

59\. No paper airplanes on the Bridge. Even during Gamma Shift.

60\. "Red shirt" is a demeaning nickname. Please stop calling people that.

61\. Putting on makeup is not a suitable excuse as to why you are late to your shift.

62\. When Sulu follows an order to send the ship into warp, don't play the "Speed Racer" theme.

63\. Stop trying to grow pot in the botanical gardens and pass it off as a Soris plant from Legon V.

64\. Don't use lab equipment to cook your own food.

65\. Do not use the Science Labs to play "mad scientist".

66a. Unless you are in the Science Department or you have permission or an actual reason to be in the Science Labs, you should not be in the Science Labs.

66b. Same with Sick Bay.

66c. And Engineering.

66d. And the Bridge.

66e. Stay in your own department area unless you have an actual reason to go to/ be in another department.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember when I said some of these didn't age well? Yeah... weird how things can change in 9 years.

67\. Food fights in the mess hall are banned. If you start one… you don't want to know.

68\. Should a food fight start, however, don't turn the replicators into food cannons.

69\. Dr. McCoy does not have his own form of martial arts called "Bones-jitsu" that uses hypo-sprays as its weapon of choice. Thus, he is not a master in such an art (no matter what the Captain says).

70\. No trick-or-treating or caroling around the ship.

71\. "Speak Like a Pirate Day" is not a real holiday.

72\. Do not pin bull-eyes on the back of Security personnel's shirts.

73\. If you hate small or closed in spaces, flying, close quarters with other people, you get homesick easily, or all of the above, you should not be working on a Starship.

74a. Lt. Jose Martinez is a ***.

74b. No, he is not.

75a. Lt. George Weston is a ***.

75b. No, he is not

76a. Would you two stop it and make up already?

76b. Fine. Sorry Jose.

76c. It's okay George, I'm sorry too.

77a. This List is not to be used as a message board. Please stop.

(Rules 77b-77ag deleted)

78\. Captain Kirk does not have the magical ability to talk computers to death. He has no magical abilities what so ever.

79\. Mr. Spock has no magical abilities either.

80\. Dr. McCoy does not make house calls (unless he deems it absolutely necessary, which is rare), so drag your ass down to Sick Bay yourself or with help from friends.

81\. Do not use Starbook while on duty.

82\. Don't shop for stuff on the stellar web while on duty.

83\. If you forget the code to get into your room, using a phaser to open the door is not an acceptable alternative method of getting in.

84\. Do not make Chekov say "nuclear vessels" more than necessary. He hates it and doesn't see why it's so funny.

85\. Don't post flyers throughout the ship when it is someone's birthday.

86\. There is no such thing as "Casual Fridays" on a Starship.

87\. Do not tell a superior officer to "chill".


	5. Chapter 5

88\. Dr. McCoy is a Doctor, nothing more and nothing less.

89\. Don't reprogram other people's doors so they can't get into their quarters.

90\. Don't give Mr. Spock chocolate. Just… don't.

91\. Do not go climbing around the pipes in Engineering singing the Super Mario theme song.

92\. Sulu's katana is not the "Master Sword".

93\. Slipping any colored hair die into a superior officer's (or any officer's for that matter) shampoo is not allowed (again, we have pictures, so don't replicate)

94\. Stop with the elevator music in the turbo-lifts.

95\. Converse high-tops are not proper uniform attire.

96\. Falling asleep while on duty is bad.

97\. Don't send Captain Kirk "new and improved" uniform shirts. Yes, his shirts get ripped a lot for some reason, but he has his own supply.

98\. Using the Red Alert klaxon to wake someone up for their shift is no longer permitted (even if said person is the Captain).

99\. Stop trying to "pimp out" the Shuttle-crafts. They are Starfleet property, and you could get Court Marshaled for it.

100\. While someone is negotiating with Klingons, Romulans, hostile aliens in general, do not mutter insults under your breath. They might hear you.

101\. Dr. McCoy is not "hypo-happy". Stop implying that he is.

102\. Don't put super glue on the station chairs on the Bridge (again, we have a video).

103\. Do not set up your own "radio station" using sub-space channels. Even if the music is really good.

104\. Team Edward all the way!

105\. Team Jacob rules!

106\. The _Twilight Saga_ is hereby banned from the _Enterprise_. Any copies found will be ejected into outer space and/or incinerated on the spot via phaser firing squad.

107\. Please see Rule #77a.

108\. Setting up obstacle courses in the hallways is no longer permitted.


	6. Chapter 6

109\. Do not open interplanetary talks with "Greetings, (insert species' name here), we come in peace. Take us to your leader".

110\. Just because you don't like the paint color in your quarters, does not entitle you to repaint your walls a different color.

111\. Time travel is to be preferably avoided; unless absolutely necessary.

112\. Just because you overslept does not entitle you to wear pajamas to your shift, even if you are half-dressed in your uniform.

113\. Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock are not an "item".

114\. Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy are not an "item".

115\. Dr. McCoy and Mr. Spock are not an "item", even if they fight like an old married couple.

116\. Sulu and Chekov are not an "item" either.

117\. Don't tell your parents the reason you didn't call sooner was… well, what normally happens to this ship. Just say communication channels were down or something.

118\. Some things that happen on the Enterprise should stay on the Enterprise (you know what we mean).

119\. Do not hold "tribble shows" in the Rec. room.

120\. The song "I'll Take You Home Again, Kathleen" is banned from the Enterprise (this means you, Riley).

121\. If anyone brings that up again, I swear to God I will punch them out. Same with Sulu, only he will skewer you with one of his foils.

122a. Please see Rule #77a.

122b. Screw Rule #77a!

123\. Granted the Enterprise does not have a flagpole, you are not allowed to find alternative means of hanging people's unmentionables in public places.

124\. Do not hang Christmas ornaments on the plants in the Botany Lab. Some of them may try and eat them.

125\. No streaking in the hallways. Please.

126\. Do not tack up pink fuzzy dice above the view screen on the Bridge.

127\. The Bridge is not to be called "Camelot", and Captain Kirk is not King Arthur.

128\. Do not re-program your door so certain higher-ups can't get in.

129a. Do not self-diagnose, that is Dr. McCoy's job.

129b. Don't self-prescribe drugs either.

130\. Taking short-cuts through the Romulan Neutral Zone is a really, really bad idea and is not recommended.

131\. Even though Yeoman Rand's hairdo looks like something out of Star Wars, don't make fun of it.

132\. The turbo-lift is not to be referred to as a "warp pipe".

133\. Stop making fun of the fact Chekov has a problem with pronouncing 'V' sounds. It's not his fault.

134\. Stop sending out notices when Dr. McCoy and Mr. Spock have arguments that tell people to stay clear.

135\. Mr. Spock is not a Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's be honest, all of the pairs mentioned are items, right?


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey it's my first ever OCs. Or some of the earliest at least.

Ensigns Sorren, O'Shea, and Billings walked along the hall towards the Rec. Room.

"So do we have to know all of these along with the actual rules?" Sorren asked, waving a PADD.

"No, Kyle, we don't;" O'Shea replied. "Have you read half of these? They're jokes!"

"True, but I went on StarTube the other day to look up some videos;" Billings added.

"And?" the other two asked.

Billings broke out into a huge grin. "Captain Kirk flipped when his speakers started playing 'Womanizer'.."

"No way!"

"Way;" Billings said.

"Wow, whoever did that…" Sorren whistled.

"Well, I saw the obstacle course;" O'Shea said. "Mr. Scott almost got taken out by…"

Sorren's PADD buzzed with a new message. "Don't look now guys, but we got some new ones!"

* * *

136\. Don't send Spock flowers with a card that says they are from Nurse Chapel.

137\. No more tribble beauty contests.

138\. When someone is running because they are late for something, do not yell after them "Run, Forest! Run!"

139\. Do not send messages to Starfleet Command in "dead" languages or fake languages, (i.e. Latin, Old and Middle English, Pig Latin, Na'vi(?)), just Standard.

140\. Stop cooking food with the warp engines. Especially marshmallows.

141\. Though Dr. McCoy is a doctor and only a doctor (nothing else), he does accept that, every once in a while, he is a miracle worker.

142a. Do not say "engage" after the Captain gives the order to go to warp.

142b. Same with "punch it".

143\. Don't switch the hypo-sprays in McCoy's med-kit around.

144\. When Klingons or Romulans appear, do not play the Imperial March over the ship's intercom system.

145\. *Do not tell Scotty his bagpipes sound like a dying animal unless you have a death wish.

146\. No one is allowed to insult Mr. Spock openly except Dr. McCoy (and vice versa).

147\. Unless you want your ass kicked, don't challenge Sulu to a fencing match.

148\. Play performances are allowed in the Rec. room. However, you may not put on a production of _Hamlet_.

149a. After an intense showdown of some sort involving the _Enterprise_ and something/someone who means the ship and her crew harm, do not say "dude, that was awesome!"

149b. Don't say "let's do that again" either.

150\. Holiday decorations should not be put up in the halls or public places without permission first, but are allowed in private quarters.

151\. Don't call Mr. Scott "Monty Python", even though his first name is Montgomery. Or make any references to the "Crazy Scot" from said movie.

152\. Do **not** call Captain Kirk "Herbert".

153\. Do not go to your shift drunk or hungover.

154\. Stop trying to sell the _Enterprise_ on eBay. Seriously, What the (content edited)?

155\. Drag races with shuttle-crafts are no longer permitted.

* * *

"eBay?" O'Shea gasped. "Some tried to do that?"

"Apparently;" Sorren replied. "Though how they…"

"Wait, here comes another one!" Billings said.

1\. Chuck Norris vs. Captain Kirk: Chuck Norris hands down (sorry Captain).

2\. Chuck Norris vs. Spock: again, Chuck Norris. But put Captain Kirk on Spock's team, then it would be Spock and the Captain.

3\. Chuck Norris vs. the _Enterprise_ : this isn't even a contest, _Enterprise_ all the way!

The three Ensigns all looked at each other. " _What?_ "


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The first of several Holiday Edition chapters of the Rules

156a. Don't play "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" when Mr. Spock walks into a room. He is not a Grinch.

156b. Same with Dr. McCoy. Granted he's often in a bad mood, but doing that will make it worse.

157\. Do not read _The Night Before Christmas_ over the ship's communication system. And don't broadcast it across sub-space channels.

158f. Mistletoe is not allowed on the Bridge.

158b. Or Sickbay.

158c. Or Engineering.

158d. Or the Science Labs.

158e. Or major corridors. The Rec. Room is open to mistletoe, however. Just don't go crazy.

159\. Do not set up super slip-and-slides in the shuttle hangar bay.

160\. Do not import snow from an ice planet on board just so you can have a snowball fight, make a snowman, make a snow-angel, etc.

161\. Do not fill the Captain's room with tribbles.

162\. Food and drink are not allowed at work stations (except coffee).

163\. When beaming off the ship, first make sure your intended target location is actually there.

164\. Do not adjust the climate control systems in public places to mimic the current climate of your home planet.

165\. Whoever is leaving the flowers on Captain Kirk's chair, please stop. He's getting really upset.

166\. Do not leave flowers on Captain Kirk's chair.

167\. You cannot hire someone to do your shift for you.

168\. Kindly disband the betting pool of when Nurse Chapel will finally ask Spock out.

169\. Do not restock the weapons lockers with "Bang!" phasers.

170\. Stop asking Chekov if he "can see Alaska from his house".

171\. Don't touch Spock's ears. We know it's tempting, but he hates it (yes he's a Vulcan, but yes, he hates it).

172\. Stop trying to get pizza delivered to the _Enterprise_. It won't work and drives the pizza people crazy.

173\. When beaming up, do not click your heels three times and say "there's no place like home. There's no place like home". You look really stupid doing it.

174\. Do not put chewed gum under work stations and consoles. Please.

175\. Stop asking Scotty to build a lightsaber. He tried it once, and it failed epically (we have video).

* * *


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More holiday-themed Rules. And in regards to 180 and 181, I have since changed my stance on the matter.

176\. Do not spike the eggnog at the ship's Christmas party.

177\. Mr. Scott will not sell you his special eggnog for ten credits.

178\. No in-laws without permission first.

179\. Do not shoot fruit cake out of the torpedo launch tubes.

180\. Mr. Spock is a Vulcan, he is not Jewish (no matter what that ancient Adam Sandler song says).

181\. Captain Kirk does not wish to disclose his religious beliefs. Stop assuming he too is Jewish due to said Adam Sandler song in #180.

182\. Replicators will not give you a "martini; shaken not stirred", so don't ask.

183\. Do not throw rocks. They might explode.

184\. Christmas sweaters are not allowed when you are on duty (especially on the Bridge).

185\. Holiday decorations are allowed in private quarters and the Rec. Room. Do not string lights along the hallways.

186\. Making gingerbread cookies and giving them all red shirts is in _really_ bad taste (even if the cookies are yummy).

187a. When you are told to do something by a superior officer, "that's what she said" is not the way to respond. Especially if that officer is a guy.

187b. "You want me to do _what?_ " and "why?" are not acceptable answers either.

187c. Nor is "do it your self".

188\. Dr. McCoy makes a mean mint julep. If you're nice to him and are a good patient, he may make you one.

189\. *Don't try and increase the warp speed just because you are late for a date with your girlfriend/boyfriend.

190\. Yes, Klingons hate tribbles. No, you cannot use tribbles as weapons against Klingons.

191\. Do not attach a fake red nose and antlers on the outer hull of the _Enterprise_. Same with elf ears.

192\. Stop showing porno movies in the Rec. Room.

193a. Antique weapons are not allowed on board. That being said, you are not allowed to use them in the firing range.

193b. Rule #193a applies only to projectile weapons. Swords (fencing foils) are allowed as long as they are not thrown (happy now, Sulu?).

194\. When Mr. Scott talks about the _Enterprise_ as his ship and such, do not respond "well if you love her so much, why don't you marry her?".

195\. No plants on the Bridge, especially ones that spew stuff (poinsettias are fine this time of year, however).

196\. Do not greet Dr. McCoy with "Eh, what's up, Doc?"


	10. Chapter 10

Grant O'Shea practically stumbled into the Rec. Room. It was Earth's New Years' Day on the _Enterprise_ , and the entire human population of the ship had celebrated the night before. Lt. Uhura and Scotty had managed to get a (relatively) live feed from Times Square in New York City.

"Over here, Grant, we got you your coffee;" Fiona Billings said. Grant fell down at the table and downed the coffee.

"Have fun last night?" Kyle Sorren asked.

"Yeah, fun;" O'Shea grunted. "It wasn't my fault that fight started. Why did I clean up?"

"I have a feeling it was because you were the closest one Giotto could grab;" Billings replied. "At least you didn't have an early shift. Rule #96."

O'Shea glared at her. Suddenly, Sorren's PADD chirped as a new message came in.

He grinned as he saw the message. "Speaking of Rules, let's see what we can't do next year."

* * *

197a. *Don't try and imitate Chekov's accent, it's not a funny party joke anymore.

197b. *Same with Mr. Scott's.

198\. No more fireworks displays in the shuttle hangar bay.

199\. Silly-string is hereby banned from Engineering. Anyone with a can will be kicked out of Engineering and have said can of silly-string shoved up their (content edited) (content edited) (content edited)! GOT IT?

200\. During New Year's celebrations, crewmembers are limited to four glasses of champagne from now on.

201\. When the order is given to Sulu to put the ship into warp, do not say "Let's roll, Kato."

202\. Holiday music may not be played on public stations after the holidays are over.

203\. Holiday decorations in public areas must be taken down by the end of the first week of the year.

204\. Confetti bombs are no longer permitted in the halls, the Bridge, or Engineering.

205\. Don't try and turn the _Enterprise_ into a New Years' ball.

206\. Phasers are not "Proton Packs". You cannot use them to "bust ghosts".

207\. No more ship-wide "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" song sessions over the intercom system. We don't care how bored you are.

208\. Granted Captain Kirk bears a striking resemblance to the late 20th early 21st-century actor William Shatner, do not call the Captain "TJ Hooker".

209\. Corbomite does not exist; don't go looking around the ship for it.

210\. Do not use the ship's phasers to carve stuff into uninhabited planets and space rocks.

211\. There is not a 'Crazy Hat Day'; thus you are not allowed to celebrate it.

212\. Stop stealing Janice Rand's hairbrushes.

213\. Do not call Sulu "Short Round" or "Shorty".

214\. No jokes about evil twins; especially around the Captain.

215\. All diplomats, even peaceful ones, can be pains in the ass and dangerous. Don't turn your back on them.

216\. The _Enterprise_ is a state-of-the-art Starship. **NOT A TOY!**

* * *

"Looks like this year is going to be interesting!" Billings said.

Sorren laughed. "It's always interesting on the Starship _Enterprise_!"

"You can say that again!" O'Shea added. "Come on, our shifts start in fifteen."

**Author's Note:**

> As this fic continues, there will be Rules that were suggested by readers. I will credit them using the usernames they submitted the rules as on ffn. If you recognize your old username, let me know and I will update it with your new one if you so desire. I can't take all the credit, it really was a community effort to create this thing.


End file.
